at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let's get the cat blown out
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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