i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
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Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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