so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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