Betty ford says i'm here all night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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