Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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