ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
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The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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