nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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