my vag is so smooth its legendary
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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