He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize