you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
