i would punch a child for taco bell
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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