Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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