I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
