If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
