talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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