So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
