Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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