I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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