im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
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Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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