I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
