Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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