I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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