i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
