i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize