I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
