And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
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Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.