But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today