Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
