Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no, he came in my armpit
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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