dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
