i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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