the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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