Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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