is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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