She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize