It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.