gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.