yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head