y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i only shaved half my leg
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me