Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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