Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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