Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
