Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize