So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
