How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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