Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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