Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize