You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
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Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out