you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂