Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
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all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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