I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
