Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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