Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
