i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
