Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Banned from zoo.
Again?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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