ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
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did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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